Raising A Champion

The world today is more competitive than it has ever been, and the parents are starting off their children young, very young. Just read a parenting book such as “After 3 it’s too late”, by Ibaki Masaru. The title alone will freak any parent out whose child is older than 3 years old and who doesn’t (yet) speak multiple languages, plays a musical instrument and is not on the road to becoming a chess Grandmaster. I mean the author has some good, valid points there too, but the pressure is on!

Thankfully, there are now authors such as Dr. Shefali Tsabary and Eckhart Tolle who advocate Conscious Parenting and Higher Consciousness. But are they too “relaxed”, too “unattached” to success and achievement? I personally believe that the best of the two worlds is ideal when it comes to raising well rounded children with passions and interesting hobbies. And this is what I will discuss in this article and share what is working for my family so far.

Growing up as a competitive chess player (see my bio for more info in the About section), I was certain that once I have my own children, I would surely turn them into chess champions. They would be improved, better versions of me. …

What a terrible, selfish dream. The problem with such desire is that it doesn’t account for who our children really are and who they want to be. What if they don’t want to be who you want them to be? Is it right to push them into the direction you chose for them? I think not. If you are to force them into someone they don’t want to be, you will end up with a dysfunctional, unhappy relationship with your children who will regret many things once they grow up. But that’s not to say “leave your children to ‘just be’ and they will eventually figure it out on their own” either.

What we can do instead, is inspire them! As parents, I believe it is our duty to expose our children to a variety of arts, sports, music, literature etc., out there, to the best of our abilities. And the sooner we do it, the more benefit they will get. Why?

Ibaki Masaru, and such advocates, are right about children’s amazing capacity to learn new things. Young child’s brain is developing at the speed of light, capable of learning new things quickly and seamlessly, constantly forming new neurological pathways. We should, whenever possible, take advantage of this. Play classical music to your children, speak multiple languages (if you can), do puzzles together, take your children to a dance or music class, art gallery, science centre … be creative. And do start them young! Not only will they benefit intellectually from early stimulation but they will also learn things easier and faster, and will have an edge if they ever become competitive.

But don’t force your child to play violin if he has no desire to. If you can’t inspire him to do it, then just don’t, especially if you, yourself, can’t play a single string.

Be their Spiritual Guide (quoting Dr. Shefali Tsabary). Help them navigate through their discoveries, interests and journey to skill mastery in a conscious way.

Why bother with the hobbies?

Having an interest, a passion, or simply a hobby makes life more colourful and beautiful. It opens up doors to amazing and interesting opportunities and friendships. It helps academically too, from getting better grades at school (studies show that children who play sports, music, chess or practice some form of art, perform better at school too) to having more interesting careers and job opportunities. It also helps children navigate through tough teenage years and helps to keep them out of trouble. The reasons are endless.

And the sooner your children start pursuing their hobby, the more chances there are of them being good and successful at it. But wait, isn’t this where the ego arises? “Look at me, I am [insert a sport name] champion.” Yes. And it’s your job as a parent to separate child’s successes from his identity. Your child’s self-esteem and happiness should not depend on his success, or failure, for that matter. This is Eckert Tolle speaking here. We are here, in this physical form, to experience things and to make the best of our experiences, but once this is all over, what will remain is just our higher consciousness (or our soul), stripped of physical form, material gains and titles.

And now to the HOW’S

How To Get Our Children Interested in a Hobby

First of all, let your child figure out what hobby she wants to pursue.

What is her passion? The best way to see what she likes or doesn’t, I believe, is to do that hobby yourself in front of her, if possible. Pick up a music instrument and play it. Play a game of chess or a sport and let her observe. Draw or paint a picture. Dance to your favourite tune. … Monkey see, monkey do.

If you can’t do the hobby or activity yourself (because of the lack of skill), the next best thing would be to learn it together with your child, at least to begin with. My 6 year old Chloe started learning piano on and off, when she was 3 years old. While I knew how to play a few tunes, that was actually all I knew. I did not know how to read the staff. So I learned it together with Chloe. Just over a year later we are merrily playing different children’s tunes together and we both get a kick out of it.

If you are interested in foreign languages check out my blog post on how to teach your child a foreign language at home: https://mamaschronicles.com/how-to-teach-your-child-a-foreign-language-at-home/

Take your child to see professionals practice their art. Whether it’s a sport, art gallery, chess tournament, or a dance show, show your child what people are capable of when they master a particular hobby. Get them excited. I bet they would want to try it too! Exposure here is key.

When my daughter Chloe was 2 years old, we were passing by a chess tournament. What an amazing opportunity to drop in and show her competitive chess world. It’s never too early!

See what hobbies are your child’s friends are doing and ask them to demonstrate during a playdate. (If you are reading this during the pandemic lock-down then see the next point below). Children like to copy other children. It doesn’t even need to be a friend. You can take your child to someone else’s recital (cousin? Your best friend’s son?) and let them watch other children perform or play a sport. This is so inspirational.

In fact, you don’t even need to leave the house. Use YouTube to find other children who are good in the chosen activity. My girls (3 and 6 year olds) like to watch other children dance and perform on the America Got Talent (and other shows) and so I get live entertainment every now and then. I love it! But myself aside – my girls love dancing and are getting quite creative in their moves. They are inspired … And, every now and then, I’ll crush their show with my own dance moves and the party blows up into laughter and more dramatic performances. I don’t think there are many children out there who would remain impartial to dancing after that.

So My Child is Hooked. How To Keep the Fire Burning?

Once your child’s passion becomes more clear, how do you keep your child interested in his hobby and how to help him become better at it?

Enroll him into a relevant class. Ok, that’s a no-brainer but is not the only one possibility. Just make sure your child likes the teacher and the class. A bad teacher could ruin his interest.

Keep the inspiration going as per the bullet points above. I.e. try to do the hobby together, take her to relevant events/performances, organize playdates (including Virtual playdates) with friends who practice same craft, keep finding and showing new YouTube videos, etc.

Offer variety. I think this is key. Below are some examples:

Chess: There are only so many chess puzzles on paper Chloe can go through until she starts getting bored and moves on to something else. So spice it up: offer it on printable sheets, set them up on a chess board in front of your child, find some online (with a timer!). Then, play chess with your child. Ask your brother to play chess with your child. Do it online (via Skype / Zoom or anything), let your child play online (chesskid.com is great). Analyze games, ask questions about his move choices … the list goes on and on.

Sports: Let’s take tennis as example. There are lessons. Then there is practice once the lessons are over. Back in high-school I got into a tennis team but I was quite new to the sport and lacked practice. I couldn’t afford lessons, so I found a school nearby with a nice solid brick wall and paved area and I pounded the ball against that wall like there was no tomorrow. One of my team-mates also found me tapes (we’re taking pre – YouTube era here) of tennis competitions and made me watch them. It helped! I watched how the pro’s serve, how they cover the court, how they play fluently in doubles… I learned a few tricks here and there, while sitting on my couch at home.

You just need to be creative.

What Happens When Your Child Becomes Very Good at his hobby? There are few considerations.

Above, I’ve talked about why hobbies are important and good for children.  But there are also some possible cons once a child becomes immersed in one hobby.

The cons:

–What is your child giving up while spending countless hours on mastering his craft? School homework, social events, exercise, sleep, health. Once again, you are their guide in this life. Help your child be mentally and physically healthy and overall lead a balanced life.

–Monitor your child’s emotional state. If your child becomes very competitive, for example, make sure she’s getting a healthy doze of competition but is not “overdosing”. Your child might start losing sleep, take losses too personally (become frustrated or angry) or, if he’s successful, he might become arrogant. Once again, try to separate the “ego” from the failures and accomplishments of your child. Pay attention. Success and failure could be blinding. Remember, you are their Spiritual Guide.

-The word “Champion”: by definition means you competed against other people and won. You were better than everyone else at your craft at that time. This is important for our “Ego” but how important is this for our Higher Consciousness? I will leave this question, inspired by Eckhart Tolle, to the reader to discover the answer to.

EPILOGUE

I’ve introduced my older daughter Chloe (who is now 6) to chess at a very early age. First it was just for fun, playing with chess pieces (but not playing chess); as she grew, I started to actually teach her the game. She would go through phases of being obsessed with chess for weeks or months and then wanting none of it. I think this is healthy and normal as she explores other interests.

But now, thanks to COVID-19 isolation, she is stuck at home, with me, all day and has full access to all sorts of chess materials – chess boards, chess books and puzzles, chess on computer, digital chess board … and once again she is obsessed with chess.

The other day, as I approached Chloe who was playing chess on the computer, our conversation went like this:

Me: Chloe let’s go for a walk.
Chloe: No, I wanna play chess
Me: Chloe let’s eat. It’s lunch time.
Chloe: I wanna play chess
Me: Can I get a hug?
Chloe: I’m still playing….
Me: Do you want to build a snowman?
Chloe: “no” still means “no” …

…

And now the million dollar question that my some of my friends have been asking me when I had my first child: “Will you raise her as a chess champion?”

And to that I reply “I will raise her as a well rounded individual … the rest will be up to her.”

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