My Kids Highjacked My Spotify

–On being too immersed in motherhood

You know when you have a full time office job and you take a week off to go on vacation … then you come back and have 300 emails to plow through and all the work to catch up on while you were away? You spend the next week doing double work, staying late, maybe pulling an all-nighter and perhaps even cursing a bit. Well, the same thing with happens to a Stay Home Mom. “How can that be?” you might ask.

It’s winter and we’ve just arrived from our one week Caribbean vacation. Some suit case items are still unpacked and are in great need if immediate attention. My emails have piled up from all the schools and extra-curricular activities my children attend – Coronavirus warnings, recitals, doctors appointment reminders, missed payment, playdate proposal … and on and on.

Post-trip mess everywhere. And on top of that, today we have contractors working on our skylight. Towels are covering all the floors upstairs with bits and pieces of dry wall on them, the end product of skylight replacement. I’m not in a good mood at all. It’s been a few tough and overwhelming days since we’ve been back and for many reasons. And what I need is a good music to lift me up!

On days like this, I like to go back in time when I was young and everything was going so smoothly, carefree almost… A time when I had dreams and aspirations of one day being a in love, being married, being a mom, having a family. Basically, being where I am today.

These are the 90’s and early 00’, so I gravitate to the music that was popular on those days and listening to it makes me feel good again. It makes me feel grounded. It’s like going back to the past to those days and then saying “abracadabra” and boom, I’m in 2020 and I’m a wife and a mom! And I’m actually living the dream. Magic!

I reach for my Spotify app on the phone and select “Rescue Olya” playlist. “Alexa play!” I order. [Alexa is an interactive devise that plays music, for those who don’t know]. The first song that comes up is: Gangster’s Paradise. It’s a bit of an angry song but it makes me feel tough. Somehow, it motivates me to pull myself together and get organized. “Watch out Chores – here I come!” I say to no one in particular and start singing – “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..”

Ding-dong! I open the door. It’s the contractor who was working on our roof and who I just met a few minutes ago while coming home from the morning school drop-offs. “Can I come in? I want to see what it looks like from the inside?”

“Yes, sure. But what you will see is on the inside is the biggest mess!” I say, conscious of how my house looks right now but not a bit embarrassed. I have an excuse!

All of a sudden, I realize that I’m listening to an angry song and that people can hear it. “Um, Alexa next!” I order in hopes of changing the tune to something nicer. Don’t want people to think I’m some kind of angry house-wife.

‘Where do you go, my lovely?’ is the next song that Alexa plays on my playlist. “I wanna know …where do you go?”

“Shoot, this is even more embarrassing. Alexa next!” I shout, while starting to feel the redness in my cheeks.

‘Ayyayaya Coco Jumbo … ayyayai’. “Alexa stop!” I order once more. This playlist is an embarrassment in front of those who  don’t know the background story. But Alexa doesn’t hear me. “Alexa!! (pause) STOP!” The house finally gets quiet.

The contractor guy doesn’t say anything but I can see a smirk on his face. Great.

“Hm, how do I get out of this with a straight face?” I ask myself. I’m actually out of ideas, so I go to my ‘Albums’ tab in the Spotify in hopes of finding something nice that would lift me up and would not be embarrassing while the contractors are doing their work inside the house.  I see:

“Soyons Amis” by Alain Le Lait (kids French songs by Alain The Milk),

“La Vache en Alaska” is another kids French songs album, followed by

“Sur la ferme de grand-pere,”

“Une fete pour les enfancts” ….

And on and on other kids albums … for some reason all in French, but whatever. That’s not the point.

Is this what I have come down to? I’ve been so immersed in this motherhood that a lot of the choices I’ve made, including music choices, have all been catered to my children. And this is the first time I’ve become aware of it.

And the worst, I mean best, part is that I’m actually lovin’ it. I can even workout at home to “La Vache en Alaska” while my children are playing at my feet, singing along. I love being a mom, even when it requires sacrifices, like music sacrifices…

But wait! What’s this?! Ooo I see Backstreet Boys album – In A World Like This, followed by their latest DNA album. Not everything is lost Olya. A part of you is still you! But I can’t play that in front of the contractors. Too cheesy.

Let’s see what’s next. ‘Il Divo’! Oh yeah, I remember these guys. Beautiful and Depressing. And even more embarrassing than Gangster’s Paradise. The contractors will think I’m unhappily married. Not true at all, quite the contrary.

‘Andrea Bochelli’ is next. Can’t play that either. No reason required.

‘Deva’. Now that’s an album I’ve listened to while labouring to give birth. It’s very calming, almost trans-like. But why is this still on my list? I haven’t listened to it since!

I quickly realize that there is nothing, I can play on my Spotify that suits my current mood and that would make me look like a normal person.  And so I settle for Steel Drums: Caribbean Beach Party. At least it has no words. Can’t be too embarrassing, can it?

“Do you have a pole?” the contractor asks.

I can’t think of owning any poles in my house.  “What, like a pole dancing pole?” I reply quickly before being able to stop. Memories of young and beautiful me about 15 years ago rush to my mind. I took a few pole dancing classes in my youth … I swear for fitness and fun ONLY! Those were fun times…

“No, like a broom.”

“Ooohhh, like the ones witches use…” I have no idea what came over me. Perhaps, I look like a stay-home witch today, with messy hair, circles under my eyes and baggy clothes (chosen specifically to suit my today’s particular mood; or rather, because I have nothing else to wear since I haven’t gotten to the laundry part yet!). I hand off the broom and return looking at my phone’s Albums.

This music sucks! I stop the Caribbean Beach Party and decide to wait till the contractors leave the house, so I can return to listening to my Gangster’s Paradise.

They don’t stick around for much longer and leave in the next 10 minutes. I close the door behind them, relieved. Gangster’s Paradise -> Play!

All of a sudden I feel lighter again, my mood lifts, I can start the house clean-up. Finally! I take a look at myself in the mirror and start singing along:

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there’s not much left [not true at all in my case I smirk!]
‘Coz I’ve been blastin’ and laughin’ so long, that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone

Epilogue

And you? How immersed in the motherhood/fatherhood are you? When was the last time you took time to do something for yourself?