It’s Not All or Nothing
I got so inspired and excited about being “back in the game*” (of chess), and being able to play my childhood hobby again, I wondered – what else can I do? What is missing in my life for complete fulfillment not just as a mom but as an individual? And I realized – it’s that sense of freedom to pursue all (or at least some) of my favourite hobbies and wishes. So, this short blurb is meant to inspire and encourage parents, (and adults alike) who are like-minded and are looking for a little boost to pursue their dreams.
As I became a parent, I somehow got into that trap of having these self imposing limitations, or limiting believes. You see, as parents (especially of young children), we often feel drained of energy as we give and give, and we never have time for ourselves, except for maybe basic self maintenance things, such as food prep, showers and exercise. But could we be our own obstacles?
Since I had my children, the first being six years ago, I stopped so many activities that I used to love, such as chess, dance, learning foreign languages, piano … you name it. Why? I got consumed by motherhood and I gave all of me to my children and family. And, at the end of the day, for the longest time, all I wanted was just to go to bed. And all of that is fine and normal … but the time comes (or maybe it was always there?? Please tell me was!) where you start carving out time for just yourself, and not just for basic maintenance things. I’m talking about your hobbies here, your passions.
My girls are now 3 and 6 years old and, until now, I’ve been on this “I don’t have time for [insert your hobby]” mode. “I rather relax a bit, do some yoga and go to bed.” How could I have found time for chess (it’s so time consuming after all) and now … dance? Well, I carved it out, baby! And now, even the sky is limitless!
So not only did I get back into chess (playing online and doing lessons), but now I am also getting back into dancing**, all, without sacrificing any time with my family.
How? I squeeze these things into my day. And because I’m passionate about these things, it’s a joy, not a chore. It gives me energy (not drains it (a limited belief!)), and it makes me feel even more alive and happier.
Here is how it goes: I’m waiting for the kettle to boil – I dance (a few minutes). I’m watching my kids swim in the lake (like a hawk) – I practice my new dance moves (right in the water). I’m waiting in the line at the grocery store – I dance some more … (kidding) … you get the idea. Or, I squeeze a few chess puzzles on the iPhone, throughout the day, during those stale moments: “Girls come brush your teeth” … 2 minutes later, “Girls! Come brush your teeth” …ok, 3 chess puzzles later … “Get your butts over here!” … 2 more chess puzzles later … “I’m coming to getcha!” …
And you can do that with a lot of hobbies, chess, languages, dance …
You see – it’s not All Or Nothing. You have to re-invent yourself and how you approach things. You may not have 45 consecutive minutes, like you used to, to do a proper (online) class, or a lesson of any sort … so let it go. Find 10 minutes at a time and do the lesson in short blocks, over several days, if that be it … but just do it! (How I love that Nike slogan). You will probably learn more that way anyway. And you might find yourself amazed how many small, incremental opportunities you get throughout the day to practice, master and enjoy your hobbies … one-move-at-a-time.
I wish you all the best in this self-discovery journey. Live your life to the fullest and let go of all those self-imposing limited believes.
PS: And you might find – you will also be a better parent. Not only will you feel happier, but you will inspire your children with your hobbies. Ever since COVID-19 happened, I couldn’t get my girls to dance, doing online classes. They showed no interest, even though they loved live classes. I tried 4 different dance studios, none of which excited my girls … Then I got into dancing myself – just two weeks ago, and guess what? You got it. My 6 year old is now trying to copy me dancing and is asking to sign her up for online classes!
*see my Back In The Game post here: https://mamaschronicles.com/back-in-the-game/
** FUN FACT about me: I used to belly dance for 8 years in my 20’s. I even auditioned for a professional dance troop, as a side-gig to my full time job in finance at the time. But the feedback I got was this: “[your] technique is very good, but … you don’t look like a belly dancer. You’re too skinny (flat tummy and “got nothing to shake”) and your hair is short … sorry…” Yeap! I did not get in primarily for superficial reasons … I just didn’t fit in … And perhaps the instructor was right. I am now trying to take the belly dancer out of me and fuse her with a Bachata dancer.